Thirty Flirty & Trying

I took the test and next thing i new two pink lines…

Next think I know, I’m planning on moving to another town closer to family and taking my first head chef job. I picked the house and we had our first ultrasound . Just for a moment it felt like life made sense. A baby….. way sooner than planned, wait what I had a plan….

okay so it wasn’t a plan and i guess now i can say maybe everything happens for a reason. but at the time when everyone was telling me everything happens for a reason I didn’t believe them.

and then i lost it.

I’ve never seen so much blood in my life and i silently prayed i never would again.

it tore my partner and I apart…. He spoke to everyone about it. I comforted him, I apologised for being incificent.

But i mourned that loss alone. I trapped myself inside my own mind and tried to understand why this would happen to me

a year past and now we were activity trying to have a baby

whilst I consider myself lucky I can count my miscarriages on one hand, I would never wish the kind of pain, heartbreak, torture, separation and anxiety on anyone.

I saw doctors, who told me to lose weight, eat better, excersie and stop stressing.

My partner saw doctors who tested sample after sample, and told him not to drink, to eat better and exercise.

somewhere along the way we gave up.

I had a weight loss surgery. lost 50kg.

After years of trying I got pregnant again October 2021 I remember showing my partner the test and ill never forget what he said ” AH FUCK”

I had doubt in my mind that it would stick… But he did. Then he was born at 27 weeks gestation…. but that’s another story